Another Memorial Service

NOTE:  As I explained when beginning blogging, the hope in these pages is to reflect as honestly as possible on ideas, concerns and situations as they seem significant to this parson in his retirement years.  Recently realizing that even funeral services I'm sometimes asked to conduct may reflect how my thinking is or is not changing, it seems fitting to include such public communications here.  While few people will find this blog, let alone read it, and even though when I'm gone it likely will be shelved in the deepest recesses of cyberspace, it provides the illusory sense, at least, that dialog is possible.  Indeed, whenever I take time to write in this venue, I always imagine individuals, past and present, in my life who may be looking over my shoulder, and that is a very comfortable feeling.  So, whether you're there or not, thanks for the qualities in your lives that make me wish you were here.

 

The funeral service below was conducted on 8/21/12.

 

Jim N.

A Memorial Service for

SANDY BISH MARKLEY KERENS

SONG:                                     “Sissy Song”

OPENING SCRIPTURE SENTENCES

GREETING & PRAYER

PRAYER OF OUR SAVIOR

OLD TESTAMENT READINGS

Psalm 121

Selected portions of Proverbs 31

NEW TESTAMENT READINGS

Selected portions of Romans 8

St. John 14:1-3, 27

SONG:        “I’ll Fly Away” 

Sung by Sandy's Grandson, Craig DeBastiani

MEDITATION  (Printed below)

HYMN:           “Hymn of Promise”

PRAYER

SONG:      “Go Rest High on the Mountain”

 Sandra “Sandy” Bish Markley Kerens

            We gather this morning, our hearts heavy with grief,  but more importantly, our hearts full of love.  A woman who has touched the lives of so many people has died, and we are here because we want to commemorate, to pay profound respect, and to celebrate her life, for she was a good wife, a good mother, a good grandmother, a good sister, a good aunt, and a very good neighbor and friend.

            The days, weeks, months and years ahead will, no doubt, be filled with many wonderful stories about the times of happiness shared with Sandy: her deep devotion to her husband and family, how, even in the midst of life’s struggles, she knew honest delight and true affection in the moments she spent with the persons closest to her.  Those who knew Sandy as friend and neighbor will recall as well the many instances of faithfulness in friendship.  She was kind-hearted, good, and true, or as one of her neighbors put it, “That girl was all heart!”

            Many qualities come to mind when we think of Sandy.  I’ve been told that she was an organizer and detail person of the highest order.  As a youngster, not yet a teenager, she went to work babysitting for families in the neighborhood, and gained quite a reputation in that line of work.  Perhaps, her popularity as a babysitter had something to do with the fact after putting the kids to bed, she would clean the houses of those who employed her.  One member of the family called her a “neat freak.”

            Some in her family during the early years may not have always appreciated her attention to detail and neatness.  Her brother Buck as a young lad shared none of Sandy’s inclination to keep things in their place, and Sandy often in her endless attempt to restore order (perhaps partly in retaliation), would rearrange the furniture in the bedroom Buck and Jack shared.  Eventually, when coming home late, Buck learned to turn on the light and look before plopping into bed.

Sandy’s organizational skills learned early in life stayed with her throughout life, and most of the time Sandy used those skills to attend to and arrange for the welfare and joy of others.  As the obituary in the newspaper pointed out, when Sandy learned that an individual or family was going through some difficulty, invariably Sandy would show up, not with some store-bought meat or vegetable platter, but with an entire meal cooked completely from scratch and, as the paper put it, “she was a most welcome sight at those times.”  This was not something she did occasionally here and there, but as many of you are well aware, she did it hundreds of times.

That same practical concern for the needs of others, so much a part of Sandy’s personality, also came into play when she worked in the Assessor’s Office.  Sandy’s special concern for the elderly and the disabled led her to be sure that such persons received every consideration due them when determining property taxes.  If she learned of senior or handicapped citizens who were not taking advantage of the Homestead Exemption, she wouldn’t just call them to advise them of a way to lower their tax burden, she gathered up the papers they needed to fill-out, and went directly to their homes to get them signed up.  County Commissioners may not have appreciated her fervor in lowering the tax base, but from her perspective, the needs of individuals, particularly the less blessed among us, far outweighed the requirements of corporate structures.  (She probably would not have agreed that corporations are people.)  Many are the ways Sandy employed her organizational abilities for the sake of others helping to provide a safety net of care and protection.

 Sandy’s home was always a gathering place.  It was a popular hang-out for kids in the neighborhood when her children were young, and it was the same for everyone else who showed up.  Sandy’s grandchildren, Craig and Jamie, speak glowingly of the warmth and acceptance that they have always found at their grandparents’ home.  Craig, who played and sang one of Sandy’s favorite songs earlier in this service, attributes his beginning to take up the guitar at a very early age to Stanley’s influence, a grandfather whom he calls “Pappy.”  And Jamie indicates what a blessing it has been because of the many serious, heart-to-heart conversations with her grandmother around the kitchen counter.  How utterly important it is to know there is a place where you can go, and there will always be a loving embrace and a listening ear.  Sandy’s daughter-in-law, Becky, also reports deep gratitude for her adoptive mother by marriage, so much so that when it came time to find additional help as Sandy’s illness grew worse, Becky, without a moment’s hesitation, moved in and stayed with Sandy and Stanley to help out these last several months.

That really isn’t surprising, is it?  Just as Sandy used her abilities to do the best she could for others, in her time of declining health, she too was surrounded by love: a loving husband, son and daughter-in-law, grandchildren, brother and many others, not out of some sense of duty, but willingly out of love.  As she had been a gracious presence to others, her spirit was lifted by the touch of others.  It only makes sense that those who knew and loved Sandy would respond the same way she did.

It is not good that Sandy suffered; it is not good that she died.  But it is good that she lived, and we can be grateful even now, not only because her suffering over, but because our lives are so much richer for having known her, her deep compassion and joy, and also because she is now free to move on in whatever wonders of life await her.

Christians have always believed in life after life, but such faith up until lately has been difficult to square with our knowledge of the universe.  Some very fascinating discoveries in recent years, however, in science and medicine are tending to affirm what Christians have always believed, namely, that life does not end, but merely continues on into other dimensions.  Not only the evidence from the medical community reporting on persons who have had near death experiences, all of which have similar characteristics, but other fields of science having to do with sub-atomic particles, suggest that we are comprised of elements that never die.

Recall the three words that Steve Jobs spoke as he died, “Wow, wow, wow!”?  Might it just be that who each of us really is—the very essence of who we are, the kernel of our lives after the chaff has been blown away, the protons, neutrons and photons that are the building blocks of our bodies, that there are elements of our lives that continue, and that those already dead continue to be as close to us as we are to one another, maybe even closer?  How often we have heard people comment that in trying times they have felt the abiding nearness of their loved ones upholding them and giving them strength?  Might it be that Sandy is present right now and always will be, no longer living in pain, but urging us to move on toward the same spirit of kindness and compassion she herself lived?  Perhaps even now Sandy is calling to us and saying, “Don’t worry.  Everything is fine!”

PRAYER

            Gracious God of love, we offer thanks for the goodness we have witnessed in the life of Sandy Bish Markley Kerens.  The years slip through our minds like minutes when we think of her, and remembering the days we have had with her, we thank you for the many blessings we received because of knowing her as wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, neighbor and friend.  For her love of her family, her faithfulness in relationships and her care for others; for the delight she derived from starting in September to bake cheese cakes to freeze and then give away at Christmastime; for her wonderful wit and sense of humor, for her avid interest in politics and her loyalty to the Pittsburgh Pirates; and for those times of trouble when her family and friends could share her burdens and ease her pain—these thoughts and memories are precious to us, O God, and we speak our gratitude for the life we have shared with Sandy.

            We would that she might still be with us on the earth, O God, but not if she could not be healthy.  We would that she might still be with us on the earth, O God, but not if she could not be happy.  We would that she might still be with us on the earth, O God, but not if she could not be free to do the things she liked to do and to walk the ways she loved to walk.  So we give her back to You, who gave her to us, in the confidence that she is safe in your eternal care and that her spirit is freed to continue to be “all heart.”  Amen.

When God Talks Back

 A friend passed on a book review of anthropologist Tanya Marie Luhrmann’s book When God Talks Back: Understanding the American Evangelical Relationship With God, a book I had not heard about until reading the review.[i]  Written by Jill Wolfson, a novelist and journalist of high standing, the review describes Luhrmann’s accounting of years of “deep hanging out” with two different groups of the Vineyard Christian Fellowship, an evangelical/Pentecostal segment of American Christianity.  This Christian branch is characterized by literal interpretation of the scriptures and worship experiences that include dancing, swaying and other deeply emotional expressions.  Wolfson’s portrayal of Luhrmann’s book, besides being well written, seems a fair representation, so much so that it nudges me in the direction of purchasing the book.  The only problem is that my books-to-read shelf is so over laden already that it is sagging in the middle, and adding another book on to a pile that will likely outlive me seems futile.  So many books, so little time!  So, for now, my thoughts about Luhrmann’s exhaustive study will necessarily rely on a second-hand source.

The focus of Luhrmann’s research is to ask how is it that intelligent, savvy, middle-class Americans come to the place where they carry on conversations with the invisible God in much the same way as friends talk over coffee, actually expecting two-way dialog.  Succinctly, while Luhrmann continues to question the existence of God, her in-depth engagement with the Vineyard brings her to an awareness that such prayer talk works.  The practices of the Vineyard and the support of its members enable participants to learn how to “hear what they determine to be God’s voice.”

So the Vineyard groups and other Pentecostal religious types can claim victory that their perspective has been validated by the scientific community.  God is good all the time, and is always available to talk with anyone who takes the time to sit down to carry on such conversations.  Evidently, Luhrmann in her post-publication sessions with the Vineyard groups did provide a kind of appreciative assessment of their way of prayer, even indicating that though she could not “believe in a God out ‘there’ as solid as a mailbox….in my own way, I have come to know God (through my time spent in the Vineyard).”

But, reviewer Wolfson also describes how Luhrmann has made similar discoveries in other forays into religious experiences and cultures.  Luhrmann, according to Wolfson, describes herself as a “spiritual mutt,” having familial and other close connections to a Baptist minister, Christian Scientist, Unitarian, and Orthodox Jew, and was herself for a time inclined toward atheism.  As an anthropologist she was struck by how most people seemingly choose to conduct their lives according to narratives and legends rather than listening to their logical, rational reasoning.

Consequently, she spent in-depth time with modern witches, followers of Zoroastrianism, a Black Catholic Church, and a Santeria group.  Moreover, Luhrmann conducted experiments among undergraduate students utilizing the same prayer methods employed by the Vineyard followers, which verify the same results about prayer as those found in the Vineyard groups.

When hanging out in depth with modern-day witches, learning their methods and following their rituals, she discovered that “witchcraft self-training worked,” and she even had a supernatural vision one night of “six druids” appearing outside her window.  Luhrmann reports that the techniques of witchcraft are the same as those she was taught in the Vineyard version of Christianity—and, indeed, all the groups that she studied.

Probably, the most fascinating implication in Luhrmann’s ventures into how prayer works stems from a research project developed and implemented among college students at Stanford.  Rather than having students meditate on some deity of a particular faith tradition, the students were instructed to meditate on Leland Stanford, Jr., who died as a child and for whom Stanford University was named.  These student “volunteers were invited to listen and use their inner attention to ‘experience’ Leland.”  The results as yet are unpublished, but some of the students reported visions of the “young Leland and feeling that he spoke back.”

Wolfson concludes her review indicating how Luhrmann, being asked to “weigh in” on the seeming heavy influence of Vineyard Christians and their ilk on politics, assesses such confluence of church and state.  Luhrmann’s observations are very interesting and can be read in the article, which can be found at the web site listed as an endnote.

My interest, however, lies elsewhere.  Is it significant that widely divergent paths to spirituality seem equally accessible through very similar prayer techniques?  What can we say about the ability of certain meditative techniques to bring a person into intimate connection with any entity?  Is this simply some kind of learned mind control?  Or are there other levels or planes of existence with which we can resonate through meditative practice?  Perhaps Quantum theorists have a point in arguing that there are “fields” beyond our ability to perceive, abounding with neutrons, protons, photons.  And who knows, maybe included in these sub-atomic dimensions are all that has ever been or will be.

One thing is certain.  Based on the results of Luhrmann’s research, the appreciation shown by Luhrmann toward the Vineyard, or any group espousing only one right way to “God,” does not mean it is the only way.  Indeed, her research indicates the very opposite.  If there is communication with realms beyond what we know in the present, Luhrmann’s research points more to the possibility that other dimensions of living, if they exist, are filled with every conceivable idea, personality, entity, or experience the cosmos can contain.  Perhaps we Christians would do well to exercise a little more humility in our assertions about the one right way to God.

---

[i] The review can be found on-line at:  http://alumni.stanford.edu/get/page/magazine/article/?article_id=54818