Friday, June 1, 2012

An Experience in Funeral Preparation

Rationale for this funeral meditation:  As is often the case, this celebration of a grand family matriarch required swift preparation.  My colleague in ministry for many years at Valley Chapel (Elizabeth Shaver Smith (now) Wycoff) is also the deceased’s sister-in-law.  Elizabeth and I were asked to plan and conduct this service.  Meeting the evening before, we worked out an order for the service and divided the various portions.  Elizabeth would lead the part where she and other family members shared stories about Peg (eulogize), and I was asked to conclude that segment with a meditation.

When the service was over, I was impressed at how beautifully it flowed together.  That was mostly because of a truly cohesive spirit among all the family members, which were numerous.   There were many touching moments during the service; one that “got to me” occurred when a grandson, perhaps 11 or 12 years old, tried to read a statement he had written about his grandmother, but broke down.  His mother came to his side and held on to him as she finished reading the statement.

Three considerations were uppermost in my thinking as, later that night after Elizabeth and I had met to plan, the task of framing a meditation began.  The first was easy: since various family members gladly accepted responsibility for recalling stories about Peg, there would be little need for me in the meditation to echo what they were far more able to say.  The second was equally easy: since several family members would be taking part, thereby extending the time the service would take, I probably needed to be as brief as possible in my meditation.  The third, however, was more difficult: since this is a family of wide divergence, especially in their various careers, some in medicine, others in business, etc., it might be well to veer away from traditional heaven-talk.  No doubt, they would have been okay with the expression of traditional “heavenly” language, but I couldn’t ignore my own inward nagging intuitions about doing so.  As preachers, we often rely on what “preachers are supposed to say at funerals,” rather than work toward what might be more authentic expressions of what we believe.  Probably most people could care less.  But I just couldn’t bring myself to head in the traditional direction.  So the meditation below is the result of my internal struggle.  It would be nice to receive your feedback.  

Peg Shaver

               We are brought together this afternoon by those elemental forces that touch human life.  Though we come from many walks of life and some of us from far-away places, we assemble here willingly out of love, because of one who has touched our lives, and because she died and left us.  We come to commemorate, to pay profound respect, and to celebrate this woman, Peg Shaver, for she was a good wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister-in-law, aunt, neighbor and friend.

               We have heard and our hearts have been stirred by the kinds of recollections communicated by Elizabeth, Mark and other family members, as well as many other stories about Peg we have shared with one another in the last few days.  We are unanimous in our appreciation of Peg’s deep devotion to her family, the delight she experienced with you, her family, and how, no matter what, she knew unparalleled joy in the moments she spent with each of you.   We are also well aware of her loyalty to her friends and the camaraderie she derived from companionship with others.  She was a kind-hearted, good person, and what better epitaph can be inscribed about anyone than that?

               Her more recent years, sadly, were filled with suffering.  If memory serves, it began with a surgical procedure that was followed by an extended period of unrelenting pain, and despite the finest medical help available, things seemed to continue on a downward spiral.  With advancing age comes increasing inability of our bodies to heal.  And that can lead to emotions ranging from discouragement to outright exasperation and despair.  Life can be very hard, indeed.

               But even in the midst of such harsh realities, Peg was never without continual signs of care and love.  Her husband, Otis, was her constant companion and helper through it all; family members and friends regularly checked on her and did what they could to help.  She was surrounded by many signs of gracious presence, and many are the moments her spirit was lifted by the touch of others.

               So there is ample reason to celebrate: the compassion and joy we have known in Peg and the happiness she experienced with her family members and friends.  Our lives are so much richer for having known her.  We can even rejoice because finally her suffering is over and Peg’s spirit is set free to move on in whatever wonders of life await her.

               The author of the reading from Revelation speaks of a realm where there will be no more tears, no more mourning and crying and pain and death.  Sometimes, in a world where science and traditional Christian understandings seem to come into conflict, it’s difficult to have faith in anything beyond what we can see, hear, touch, smell, or taste.  But some very fascinating scientific discoveries in recent years tend to affirm what Christians have always believed, namely, that life does not end, but merely continues on into other dimensions.  Not only the evidence gathered from the medical community reporting on persons who have had near death experiences, all of which have similar features, but other fields of science having to do with sub-atomic particles, suggest that we are comprised of elements that never die.

               Science is discovering ways in which who we are may simply move on to other levels of existence.  It may be that who each of us really is—the very essence of who we are, the kernel of our lives after the chaff has been blown away—continues, and that those already dead continue to be as close to us as we are to one another, maybe even closer.  How often have we heard people comment that in trying times they have felt the abiding nearness of their loved ones upholding them and giving them strength?  Might it be that Peg is present right now and always will be, no longer living in pain, but urging us to move on toward the same spirit of kindness and compassion she herself lived?

               Several times while our family lived in Pleasant Valley, we were invited to Otis and Peg’s house for a swimming party and picnic.  When we’d arrive and make our way to the back yard, Peg would already be in the pool waving us on, saying something like “Come on in, the water’s fine.”  Peg loved that pool in the back yard, and no doubt, she had some of the best times of her life playing with many of you in the water.  The scriptures speak of being led beside the still waters and springs of the water of life.  Could it be that even now, Peg is calling to us and saying, “Come on in, the water’s fine?”

PRAYER

               Gracious God of love, we offer thanks for the goodness we have witnessed in the life of Peggy Ann Shaver.  The years slip through our minds like minutes when we think of her, and remembering the days we have had with her, we thank you for the many blessings we received because of knowing her as wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister-in-law, aunt, neighbor and friend.  For her love of her family, her faithfulness in relationships and her care for others; for the delight she derived from simple pleasures; for the times when her family and friends could share her burdens and ease her pain in times of troubled waters—these thoughts and memories are precious to us, O God, and we speak our gratitude for all that we have shared with Peg.

               Help us, O God, to know that Peg is safe now in your eternal care, that the waters no longer rage but are forever calm and still in your loving embrace, and that her spirit is freed for moving on swimmingly.  Amen.

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