Beware the One Meeting the Bus

Some church people may not realize that there is a secret code among pastors.  It is comprised of aphorisms whose meanings are readily understood by clerics, but not so much by parishioners.  One such saying is “Beware the person who meets the bus!”   This advice has been a big help in most of my transitions to new congregations.  As a pastor I have served nine congregations including two as a student pastor during college years and one as an interim post-retirement.  All but three of these pastoral charges have verified the truth of the maxim.

The person who meets the bus is the one who writes or phones you before your arrival in your new church, or meets you at the airport, or travels many miles to spend time with you in your former parish even before your new pastoral responsibilities have begun.  Usually such contacts are outside the usual protocol for a new pastoral start-up, or the result of over-zealous machinations in order to be first in line at the bus stop.

Most of the time these contacts are attempts to ingratiate oneself, to cunningly work oneself into a favorable position with the new pastor.  Most of the time such individuals prove to be power mongers who want an edge up on being sure that things in the congregation go their way.  So this initial meeting with the prospective new pastor is an attempt to work around the stated procedure for introducing the pastor to the church, and at the same time check him/her out to see how malleable the supposedly unsuspecting parson will be to the usurper’s own controlling agenda.

One such episode early in my pastoral career involved a gentleman who showed up at the parsonage right after we had moved in and before my first Sunday in the new church.  Often people show up unannounced bearing gifts of food and other expressions of welcome.  That is a very good thing and deeply appreciated!  But this particular individual bore no gifts, made some inquiry about my being the new pastor, and from there babbled on in a bumbling attempt to curry favor.  His illusions of having succeeded must have ended quickly when at the first Board Meeting after my arrival a scheme he devised that would have served his self-interest found no support from me and was handily voted down by the Board.  His interest in the church dwindled after that.  His effort lacked the cleverness of others I have encountered along the way.

Another person learned that my practice for many years was to take a long walk on Sundays prior to time for me to be at church for Sunday School and Worship.  These lone excursions were meant to provide an opportunity to prepare my mind and spirit for worship as well as review the intended sermon and liturgy for the day.  Also, they were timed so that I usually showed up at church ready to attend to unfinished details and enjoy the day’s interaction.

Learning quickly after the beginning of my pastorate in this church the route I usually followed on my pre-church walk, this gentleman waited for me near my starting point and joined me on the jaunt—not once, not twice, but many times.  He wasn’t as bumbling as the fellow mentioned above, but clearly his agenda was the same—to win over my support of his agenda for the church.  I should have explained to him how important these walks were for my preparation for church, but intuitively suspecting that his sensitivities might not be able to handle it, I simply endured his intrusions until he figured out that his “cozying up” didn’t make a difference in how I saw my administrative role.

Perhaps the occurrence that stands out the most in 46 years of ministerial memory involved a retired pastor (who ought to have known better) who as a retiree took on a number of leadership roles in the church where I was to be appointed, and who, unbeknownst to him, was being edged out of some of these roles by the Staff-Parish Relations Committee (the advisory committee to church staff).  The method of the SPRC was rather circuitous: I was not to give this person any responsibilities that would involve him in worship leadership (their estimation was that he had lost most of his fluency in such duties), but neither was I to let him know that his being “fired” from worship leadership was their doing.

So when a letter arrived from him a month before I moved to this new church, I had already heard of him.  The letter was a summons actually.  I was to meet him at 9 a.m. in front of Wesley Chapel on Wednesday of the week of Annual Conference (the state-wide legislative gathering of our denomination held at West Virginia Wesleyan College prior to pastors being moved to their new congregations).  The letter even included the fact that he would be wearing a green leisure suit at this “bus stop” meeting, so that I could easily spot him amid the crowd that usually gathered around the Chapel entrances.  I went as ordered on the appointed day, but because of the Conference schedule, there was no time for an extended conversation.  He may have envisioned that we would sit together at the Conference business session, giving him time to be sure I understood how important his role in the church was. (Possibly he sensed that some things were about to change.)  Outside of a few gratuitous remarks and an indication that we would talk more when I arrived at the church, we parted and went separate ways.

He did stop by the office several times during those early weeks of my tenure at this congregation.  Our conversations were casual, but he never broached the topic of worship leadership.  Since I was mandated to bar him from such participation, I took the easier step of not bringing it up either.  Today, I would handle the situation much more directly, putting the responsibility on the SPRC where it belonged.  But, alas, too often we grow smart too late.

The rejected retired pastor retaliated.  He began writing anonymous letters to me that catalogued all of my many faults as he perceived them, and he also sent letters to key leaders in the congregation complaining about my inadequacies as a pastor.  And he did manage to win over a few persons to sympathize with him and help keep the dissension going.  (I know he was the author of the letters sent to me because he used the same manual typewriter on which the letter I received from him months before had been typed.)  His interference along with other very complex problems at this church made for a very tumultuous pastorate, one I was relieved to leave.  After all, there is a fine line between loyalty and stupidity.

No doubt, other vocations experience the “bus stop” syndrome.  Children butter up their parents in order to get their way; parents suck up to teachers in an effort to get their children into the gifted program; fawning and flattering fops overwhelm politicians to obtain special favors; brownnosers go so far up their supervisors’ anatomies that hoped-for promotions reek of fertilizer.

But what these sycophants fail to understand is that, whereas other leaders (parents, teachers, politicians, supervisors, etc.) may wield power and the ability to control outcomes, pastors do not.  It’s true that some pastors haven’t learned this lesson and often behave as if their donning clerical garb makes what they say and do about twenty inches above human contradiction.  And, it may be true that pastors in an earlier time had power and authority conferred upon them simply because of their office, but that day is long gone.  And good riddance!  Any authority bestowed on pastors these days is mostly because they have earned it through mutual respect, listening skills, reasoned promptings, disciplined preparation, genuine commitment and other similar qualities.  In other words, pastors may have the ability to influence and persuade congregations to move in particular directions, but that largely depends on the confidence that has developed between pastor and parish.  That is not power and control.

As stated earlier, most people who reach out to the pastor’s family in the earliest days of the pastoral start-up are genuinely interested in extending a warm welcome.  That is gratifying and goes a long way toward bonding the pastor-parish connection.  But some meet the bus for their own cloaked reasons.  Any pastor with savvy will see right through them.  And other pastors will catch on soon enough.

Another Sermon

Divinity Is Diverse (Deal With It!)

St. Mark 3:1-6, 20-35

A Guest Sermon Prepared & Delivered by James E. Norton

First Presbyterian Church, Fairmont, WV 26554

June 10, 2012

            Some of you may recall that a similar passage to this morning’s Gospel lesson was read a month ago.  The scripture then was selected because of its fitting in with the theme of our Mother’s Day observance.  Today another version of the same passage appears in the Common Lectionary, that collection of prescribed scriptures designated to be read on each Sunday of the year.  The practice by Presbyterians, United Methodists, Lutherans, Episcopalians, Roman Catholics and other churches of reading the same scriptures on most Sundays is intended as a witness to our oneness in Christ.

            But coincidentally, reading and hearing essentially the same passage within the space of a month, brings us once again to a reconsideration of family.  Usually we think of family as a biological unit, the nuclear family, the germinal family, the family that consists of a mom and dad and their genetic offspring.

            But that description of family hardly seems the norm any more.  Roughly half of marriages end up in divorce, meaning among other things that families are more apt to be single parent families, or those where children are being raised by extended family members, adoptive or foster parents, or families comprised of adults and children who are blended into second and third marriages.  Consequently, more and more families live in situations where there is a mixture of different traditions and values, and sometimes that can lead to more complicated circumstances.

            Actually the situation today may be more similar to the earliest ideas of family, or at least as far as we know them from our Judaic-Christian heritage.  Our spiritual ancestors, the Hebrews, had a much more expansive view of family.  Family included not only immediate family members who were related by blood or marriages (there were many wives in such families, each having borne children to the head of the household), but that’s not all who were included in the family: there were also the slaves, concubines, strangers, aliens and poor people who came to the family seeking help.  All were adopted into the family, and for the males that meant circumcision as a sign of their covenant as a family member.  Covenant, coming from a Hebrew word meaning “to cut,” was a sign of one’s adoption into the family who was not family by birth.  Now that’s “blended” with a vengeance.

            Jesus, however, in this morning’s passage extends the idea of family even further.  Family is everyone who “does the will of my Father.”  Now, sometimes this saying of Jesus is interpreted in a disturbing way, disturbing because it can be taken to mean that family members are only those who are, say, Christian, those who share a common faith, a common world view, a common value orientation, common lifestyles, common traditions and beliefs.  Perhaps we can even take it to mean that the Family of God includes those who can “get along comfortably.”  That is, they always agree about what the will of God is, they are all either conservative or liberal, but never both.  They’d rather not entertain other perspectives, other ways of looking at the same thing.  They always follow the same ideas about everything, they love the safe womb of sameness, and in their congregation there never is heard a discouraging word, and the sky is not cloudy all day.  Jesus’ saying could be interpreted that way, if we are deaf, dumb and blind, and if we fail to pay attention to the context in which the passage occurs.  But when we look carefully at the whole story we come to a very different conclusion.

 

            A man with a withered hand requests healing.  The Pharisees object.  After all, it is the Sabbath.  Jesus asks whether it is better to heal or to kill.  Jesus heals the man with the withered hand.  Jesus certainly isn’t behaving like a conservative on this occasion.  The Pharisees who see Jesus’ action as an unforgivable infraction go off to plot how to kill him because he is being so radical.

 

            Jesus goes home.  He has created quite a stir.  His family hears about the controversy and tries to plead insanity on Jesus’ part.  “Please overlook his action because he’s out of his mind,” they explain.  “Ah, really,” reply the Pharisees, “If he’s out of his mind, then he must be healing by the power of Satan.”  Jesus learns what they are saying about him and he responds rather rationally, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”  One cannot use the power of Satan to cast out Satan.

            And then comes Jesus’ astounding declaration: “All sins will be forgiven except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.”  The Pharisees, who understand and know how to manipulate the law to suit their own self-interest, suddenly become hoisted with their own petard; now they are the victims of their machinations against Jesus.  Jesus moves the argument to that which is beyond the Law: the Holy Spirit, which they cannot know, understand or manipulate.  This is the context, coming out of conflict and controversy, in which Jesus claims as his family those who do the will of God, which is to say, who do God’s will as that is communicated to them through the Holy Spirit.  Jesus, in his response, takes power away from the very powerful, law-abiding Pharisees, revealing their ineptitude and causing yet again their public humiliation.  One does not do that to the powerful without grave consequences.

 

            But following the will of God through the guidance of the Holy Spirit seems rather nebulous, doesn’t it.  How do we do that?  Might that mean that responding to God’s will is to live out the sense of God’s purpose for one’s life?  Does it then also follow that one’s purpose or passion in life will be very different from another’s sense of calling, thereby bringing potential conflict?  Could the Divine come to and live through humans in diverse and manifold ways.  If so, differences might very well lead to misunderstanding and confusion, especially if we cannot learn to live in a world where there are “different strokes for different folks.”

            A movie, October Sky, based on a true story that took place in the Fifties in Coalwood, WV, tells the story of Homer Hickam, a high school student who was so fascinated with the launching of Sputnik 1 that he developed skill in building and launching rockets.  The problem was that his father, John Hickam, a coal miner, wanted his son to become a coal miner, like every other kid in town.  (The law in this family and town says, “Thou shalt become a coal miner.”)  Near the end of the movie, after having saved the mine and the lives of many miners, the father says to Homer, his son, “I was born for this”—for helping people in the coal mine.  In sharp contrast, Homer finally musters up the courage to tell his Dad that he was born to build rockets.

            It seems clear that Jesus is saying that blaspheming the Holy Spirit is denying or denigrating the essence of who and what a person is or is meant to be.  Jesus knew he was born to heal and to sacrifice for the well-being of others.  How important it is that we know what we were born for.  The diversity of Divinity means that two people can follow the will of God for their lives and move in opposite directions and still be members of the same family.  One can mow the lawn on Sunday, the other would never mow the lawn on Sunday.  One can go left, the other can go right.  One can endeavor to reduce the national deficit, the other can strive toward expanding human services. One can be disabled, the other can be temporarily able-bodied.  One can be a Buddhist or a Muslim, and the other can be Christian.  One can be straight, the other gay. 

 

            If we learn anything at all from this morning’s Gospel lesson, it is that to be mother, brother, sister to Jesus means being true to the essential calling, the divine spark, the passion within each of us whereby we know what we are meant to be.  Denying that is blasphemy. Jesus’ sharp warning about the unforgivable sin is about condemning others, discarding them as if they were of the devil, insisting that others have to agree with us and our ways, actually, denying the very creativity and handiwork of God.  All are God’s children, and our concern must be to find out how we embrace everybody.  We are all equal, of equal worth in the sight of our Father.  Divinity is diverse (deal with it)!

PRAYERS

 That the ancient differences that have led to enmity may be bridged by mutual respect and understanding, God hear our prayer: AND IN YOUR LOVE ANSWER.

            That we may be freed from narrow affections and partisan considerations, that our hopes will be inclusive rather than exclusive, and that your Holy Spirit will lead us away from hatred, prejudice, and contempt for those who are not our own race or color, class or creed, to the end that we may be brought by You into unity of the Holy Spirit in the bond of peace, God hear our prayer: AND IN YOUR LOVE ANSWER.

            That those listed in this morning’s bulletin in need of special prayer as well as others we name silently in our hearts, those who suffer from diseases that destroy the body, or disrupt the mind, or assault the soul, will receive the help and support they need and restoration to health and wholeness, God hear our prayer: AND IN YOUR LOVE ANSWER.

            That as your purposes were achieved through such persons as buck-passing Adam and Eve, conniving Jacob, egotistical Joseph, stammering Moses, boisterous David, diligent Ruth, charming Esther, courageous Deborah, promiscuous Rahab, weeping Jeremiah, and hosts of other diverse persons, we, as well, may see how your purposes are being worked out in our lives and work, God hear our prayer: AND IN YOUR LOVE ANSWER.

             We offer these our prayers this day, O God, in the name of the One who came to give us life, Jesus, your Son, our brother who taught us the prayer we now say together:

An Experience in Funeral Preparation

Rationale for this funeral meditation:  As is often the case, this celebration of a grand family matriarch required swift preparation.  My colleague in ministry for many years at Valley Chapel (Elizabeth Shaver Smith (now) Wycoff) is also the deceased’s sister-in-law.  Elizabeth and I were asked to plan and conduct this service.  Meeting the evening before, we worked out an order for the service and divided the various portions.  Elizabeth would lead the part where she and other family members shared stories about Peg (eulogize), and I was asked to conclude that segment with a meditation.

When the service was over, I was impressed at how beautifully it flowed together.  That was mostly because of a truly cohesive spirit among all the family members, which were numerous.   There were many touching moments during the service; one that “got to me” occurred when a grandson, perhaps 11 or 12 years old, tried to read a statement he had written about his grandmother, but broke down.  His mother came to his side and held on to him as she finished reading the statement.

Three considerations were uppermost in my thinking as, later that night after Elizabeth and I had met to plan, the task of framing a meditation began.  The first was easy: since various family members gladly accepted responsibility for recalling stories about Peg, there would be little need for me in the meditation to echo what they were far more able to say.  The second was equally easy: since several family members would be taking part, thereby extending the time the service would take, I probably needed to be as brief as possible in my meditation.  The third, however, was more difficult: since this is a family of wide divergence, especially in their various careers, some in medicine, others in business, etc., it might be well to veer away from traditional heaven-talk.  No doubt, they would have been okay with the expression of traditional “heavenly” language, but I couldn’t ignore my own inward nagging intuitions about doing so.  As preachers, we often rely on what “preachers are supposed to say at funerals,” rather than work toward what might be more authentic expressions of what we believe.  Probably most people could care less.  But I just couldn’t bring myself to head in the traditional direction.  So the meditation below is the result of my internal struggle.  It would be nice to receive your feedback.  

Peg Shaver

               We are brought together this afternoon by those elemental forces that touch human life.  Though we come from many walks of life and some of us from far-away places, we assemble here willingly out of love, because of one who has touched our lives, and because she died and left us.  We come to commemorate, to pay profound respect, and to celebrate this woman, Peg Shaver, for she was a good wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister-in-law, aunt, neighbor and friend.

               We have heard and our hearts have been stirred by the kinds of recollections communicated by Elizabeth, Mark and other family members, as well as many other stories about Peg we have shared with one another in the last few days.  We are unanimous in our appreciation of Peg’s deep devotion to her family, the delight she experienced with you, her family, and how, no matter what, she knew unparalleled joy in the moments she spent with each of you.   We are also well aware of her loyalty to her friends and the camaraderie she derived from companionship with others.  She was a kind-hearted, good person, and what better epitaph can be inscribed about anyone than that?

               Her more recent years, sadly, were filled with suffering.  If memory serves, it began with a surgical procedure that was followed by an extended period of unrelenting pain, and despite the finest medical help available, things seemed to continue on a downward spiral.  With advancing age comes increasing inability of our bodies to heal.  And that can lead to emotions ranging from discouragement to outright exasperation and despair.  Life can be very hard, indeed.

               But even in the midst of such harsh realities, Peg was never without continual signs of care and love.  Her husband, Otis, was her constant companion and helper through it all; family members and friends regularly checked on her and did what they could to help.  She was surrounded by many signs of gracious presence, and many are the moments her spirit was lifted by the touch of others.

               So there is ample reason to celebrate: the compassion and joy we have known in Peg and the happiness she experienced with her family members and friends.  Our lives are so much richer for having known her.  We can even rejoice because finally her suffering is over and Peg’s spirit is set free to move on in whatever wonders of life await her.

               The author of the reading from Revelation speaks of a realm where there will be no more tears, no more mourning and crying and pain and death.  Sometimes, in a world where science and traditional Christian understandings seem to come into conflict, it’s difficult to have faith in anything beyond what we can see, hear, touch, smell, or taste.  But some very fascinating scientific discoveries in recent years tend to affirm what Christians have always believed, namely, that life does not end, but merely continues on into other dimensions.  Not only the evidence gathered from the medical community reporting on persons who have had near death experiences, all of which have similar features, but other fields of science having to do with sub-atomic particles, suggest that we are comprised of elements that never die.

               Science is discovering ways in which who we are may simply move on to other levels of existence.  It may be that who each of us really is—the very essence of who we are, the kernel of our lives after the chaff has been blown away—continues, and that those already dead continue to be as close to us as we are to one another, maybe even closer.  How often have we heard people comment that in trying times they have felt the abiding nearness of their loved ones upholding them and giving them strength?  Might it be that Peg is present right now and always will be, no longer living in pain, but urging us to move on toward the same spirit of kindness and compassion she herself lived?

               Several times while our family lived in Pleasant Valley, we were invited to Otis and Peg’s house for a swimming party and picnic.  When we’d arrive and make our way to the back yard, Peg would already be in the pool waving us on, saying something like “Come on in, the water’s fine.”  Peg loved that pool in the back yard, and no doubt, she had some of the best times of her life playing with many of you in the water.  The scriptures speak of being led beside the still waters and springs of the water of life.  Could it be that even now, Peg is calling to us and saying, “Come on in, the water’s fine?”

PRAYER

               Gracious God of love, we offer thanks for the goodness we have witnessed in the life of Peggy Ann Shaver.  The years slip through our minds like minutes when we think of her, and remembering the days we have had with her, we thank you for the many blessings we received because of knowing her as wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister-in-law, aunt, neighbor and friend.  For her love of her family, her faithfulness in relationships and her care for others; for the delight she derived from simple pleasures; for the times when her family and friends could share her burdens and ease her pain in times of troubled waters—these thoughts and memories are precious to us, O God, and we speak our gratitude for all that we have shared with Peg.

               Help us, O God, to know that Peg is safe now in your eternal care, that the waters no longer rage but are forever calm and still in your loving embrace, and that her spirit is freed for moving on swimmingly.  Amen.